jordynatuw

It feels weird to be back here. It’s been over two years since my last post, but I sit here with the same stubborn 20 pounds that I’ve gained and lost, gained and lost, and I google “weight loss help”…and end up right back here. Thanks, internet.

Over the past two years a lot has changed. I’ve calmed down from the hard partier I once was. Although I still like to have a good time, a night out to dinner with my boyfriend followed by sleepy snuggles and nuzzles sounds way better than any college party. My boyfriend has changed too. Long gone is the marine; I now spend my time with a new man who is much better suited for me and my lifestyle. We recently celebrated our one year anniversary (of dating) and continue to make each other very happy.

One thing that did come along with this new man however were cigarettes. He smoked, his friends smoked, and I started smoking too after I began hanging out with them. I had been smoking about a year and a half, and this summer was filled with quit attempts from both of us. About two weeks ago we both had what is and what I hope continues to be our most successful “quit.” As of tomorrow it will be two weeks for me. I feel good about this, I feel I’m done with cigarettes, although this quit is wreaking havoc on my weight. I am up to 163 pounds, which is the highest my weight has been in years (it usually rests at a comfortable 150). Ideally, I would like to lose 30 pounds. 20 and I would feel good and happy, but 30 would be a real accomplishment for me.

i start now. Here’s to it!

Yesterday, after reading my version of a blog, my roommate reflected on the first time she saw my facebook - “when you write, you sound like the perkiest person in the world…!!!” And that is not me at all.  Not to say that I’m un-perky, but anyone who knows me knows I’m a windmill, I can spin out of control with the slightest gust of wind.  I have incredibly intense mood changes, and I’m not afraid to show how I feel.  That being said, I feel like I should write at least kind of how I am, some of the time.  I do get incredibly perky at times, but usually those are the times when those around me have to be the most careful - the perkier I am, the more easily my mood can instantly do a 180. 

I figured that, if I’m going to be writing in this, I should write a little bit about myself.  I’m 18 and go to school at UW-Seattle.  I grew up in Orange, Ohio which is a suburb of Cleveland.  I am in a long distance relationship.  My boyfriend’s name is Nick, and he is still home in Ohio.  He has enlisted in the marines, and is leaving for bootcamp on February 23.  Afte boot camp and his mos school, he will (hopefully) be stationed near Seattle and will be moving here in September. 

Here at school, I am generally incredibly happy.  I have two best friends (Erin and Erinn) and yes I do get sad that my name is not Erin/n too.  My other close friends include a girl named Kelly, and two boys in the heart of a bromance, Jon and Brad.  They are basically the only reason I’m ok with being 3,000 miles away from my family and home, and they are the best friends I have ever had.

I have a long history of weight and body image issues.  Since 7th grade, my weight has fluctuated from my lowest (142, summer after 7th grade and again summer after junior year of hs) and my highest, 175 (end of 8th grade).  I’ve spent two summers at Camp Shane and had a great time there, and during my junior year of high school I did jenny craig which worked tremendously.  This is when I reached 142 on my own.  I then, however, started dating Nick, and he wreaked havoc on my diet.  I can’t complain - we had a great time going to dinner, eating ice cream after long walks and sharing milkshakes at the diner.  My mornings changed from two hour workouts at the jcc to sleeping until 11 after returning home at 3am.  I also went on birth control around this time, which didn’t help.  Nick swept me off my feet, and when I started complaining about the 20 lb I had put on, he insisted that he didn’t notice and that I looked great.  Whether or not he has I’ll never know, but he still tells me I’m beautiful; not once has he made any negative comments about my appearance and I think that has helped me tremendously. 

A year and a half later, I’ve still not lost the 20 lb but I think I’m finally ready to.  My friends and I are doing it together.  It’s hard, though - I have a long history of emotional eating, and recently I’ve been extremely sad.  When I first came to school, everything was new and exciting, and I was absolutely thrilled to be away from home.  Now, though, after being home for winter break I’m not doing as well.  I miss my dog, Lilly, a Lhaso Apso.  I have two younger brothers, 14 and 16, and I hate not being there to watch them go through high school.  Being away from Nick is the hardest.  We have never gone a day without talking, and when I lived at home we never went more than two days without seeing each other.  Here, we never go a day without talking.  What I’m stressing about the most is not being able to speak to him for three solid months.  We will be able to write letters, but I’m worried about how heavily I depend on him.  Oh well.  All I can do is try not to think about it for now.

 Erinn, gear up - it’s going to be a long three months.

Hey everyone! I’m back from the party and it. was. great.  I didn’t drink at all and I am SO proud.  I sipped on a sugar-free rock star all night (10 calories) and had a great time watching all of my friends be drunk.  Because I didn’t drink I did snack a little bit more than I would have, but since I won’t be hung over tomorrow I’ll be able to get up early and work out =)  I did a lot of snacking today (too much) eating I think 4 or 5 cookies so my calories were still negative I guess.  I’ll have to work on that though, for sure.  Overall, I’m proud of my first day.  Epic success!

so this has been up for 5 1/2 minutes and people are already commenting! that is awesome! thank you guys!!!! it’s nice to know people are actually reading this because i kind of thought no one ever would haha.  we just finished dinner (amy’s lasagna) yum… i’m not sure what i’m going to wear tonight because i’m pretty sure none of my jeans fit, but i’ve worked out every day this week barring today so i feel good.  i’m off to figure out how to comment on other peoples journals and make them happy too =o !

party tonight! so i’m excited but i’m worried. after i blacked out by 11:30 on new years i decided to take it easy for awhile, but already back at school i’m excited to drink tonight.  i just don’t know how i’m going to go about it.  i want to get drunk with all of my friends, but i know how many extra calories it is.  i could always have the far out hope of throwing up, but that would mean i drank wayyy to much. oh well. i’ll have a healthy dinner and see how it goes =)

Hey everyone, if there’s even anyone reading this.  I’m not sure if there is or not, because I’m really not quite sure how his works yet.  I’m learning, though.  I am a freshman at UW and I’m trying to get healthy, woohoo no surprise there…  My first goal is to use this thing for more than a week, because I have a glorious habit of abandoning projects within 5 minutes of starting them.

Food Log

Exercise Log